I Said Goddamn!

I really don’t know how perverts made it through life before the invention of the internet. Going on about their lives with just the thoughts in their heads and not being able to know for sure if celebrity women actually had intercourse or not.

But now we can see a hundred or so sextapes that celebs have made and giggle our little asses off at their antics. Just because companies made video cameras it doesn’t mean you have to dress up like a tiger and paw (pun intended) at your lover.

Or does it?

Okay so I’m really not sure who had the first celebrity sextape but I suppose the two most famous scenes are from Pam Anderson and that of Paris Hilton. These two blonde babes are from two different worlds. Pam was pretty much a nobody until she posed for Playboy and it was on to tv and the big screen from there. Shortly after she married drummer Tommy Lee and the rest is hardcore honeymoon boat sex history.

Paris Hilton’s journey of perversion came about not because she wanted it, though Pam and Tommy both sued it was thought that they actually wanted the tape out, Paris was outed by her partner in green screen crime. Yep, he sold her out and she and her Hilton family were none too happy about it.

Eventually Paris settled for some cash and we get to enjoy her doing things that other chicks do in the privacy of their own homes.

Stolen are not, the rush to make a buck off a celeb’s love life hasn’t even seen a crest. With new vids coming out almost monthly now there will be no shortage anytime soon.

I’ll see if I cannot list the celebrity sex tapes that I am aware of and know that some are just rumored to exist and since I love rumors I will post them with the sidebar that you don’t believe anything else that I type… maybe that will avoid a lawsuit.

1) Pam Anderson and husband Tommy Lee made a video on their honeymoon and it was supposedly stolen and released. That sextape is even the premise behind the need for Borat to come to this country.

2) Cameron Diaz was involed in making a softcore porn type film way before the movie Mask made her a household name. She probably wanted to stab the producer when it came out because she sued over nude pictures of herself that a photographer took of her also before she made it to stardom.

3)There’s a very short video of Christina Aguilera stripping down in practice for her dirty video. About the only thing you’ll see is boobs and nipple rings though it still is pretty fucking sexy.

4) Colin Farrell made a sex video with some chick and when it was being shopped around he took that person to court and actually won against it being released fully. There are several partial clips floating around but lawyers get paid to have those naughty clips removed asap.

5) Kim Kardashian and Ray J got it own, filmed it, and then she went nuts lying that it didn’t exist until parts of the nasty sex found their way to the web. Kim must have thought it was all going to tear her life apart but instead she rose to fame just on the fact that she is a stupid whore. Must be nice.

6) Cannot forget Katie Price (aka Jordan) because her sex video was something a lot of other homevids weren’t… filled with big tits.

7) Although Keeley Hazell doesn’t quite have the rack of number 6, she is not far behind and she also appears to give a much better blowjob than Katie. Only Paris Hilton seems to smoke a pole with greater abiltity. Yea, I know… who’d have thought the stupid spoiled whore would have that much talent even if it is just an oral fixation.

Shay Johnson also known as Buckeey made a video but unless you really get off on black chicks sucking black cocks then you probably won’t get much out of it. It’s not even interracial like Abi Titmuss sex tape was (she went all lesbian jungle fever in her ex private flick). Oh but alas Shay just does what everyone else does… she sucks it and gets nailed. Meh!

9) A Tila Tequila sex tape has surfaced on the adult site 4tube. TMZ reports that Tila isn’t happy about this and is threatening to sue. Apparently her laptop was stolen a while back and only now is the video making it’s rounds on the net. I don’t know what the big problem is? I’ve seen super softcore lesbian videos of Tila from back in the day. Why would she have her panties in a bunch about a lame 5 second clip?

10) Here’s one that came out of nowhere. I’m talking of course of the Tiger Woods Sextape. Come to find out, not only did he score a very hot wife but he’s rumored to have cheated with at least 14 other women while married. At least one of these soon to be famous Kim Kardashian style because there’s a sex video in the woodwork. Looks like Tiger should have really seen a doctor to work on his inability to keep his putz to himself. Or tried not to get so many holes in one. Or another golf related type humor statement.
I know there are far many more homemade celeb pornos but I need to watch television and masturbate. It’s not all about you after all. I will be returning to add more though.