Now I’m not the sharpest kitten in the bag, or whatever, so I did the whole raised eyebrow WTF kinda thing until my attention went south so to speak and there it was… Gimpsville, population her. But rather than turn me off to her, the fact that she obviously would be great for playing kiss chase with had me wanting her even more.

That said, I right clicked/saved her image and moved on with my life, such as it is, and never gave much thought to the pink punk amputee.

Oh but I hear you “Then why are you writing about her now”. Right so here’s the thing… last night I was traveling across this great web and ran across another variation of the same photo of Amber (her name apparently). This time she was outside but wearing the same pink nightmare outfit but instead of the “When you see it, you’ll shit bricks” comment there was her name/nick/cb handle “Amber Amputee”.

At first I was taken back by “Amputee”… was the person photoshopping the picture trying to be funny? Was this something that she is called all over the web? Was her father named ‘Burt Amputee’ and if the case wouldn’t it have been more funny to name her “Ima’ ??

I just had to know and luckily google exists because we all know, those of us who grew up back in the day, what it was like to not have constant access to an insane database of all things stupid. If you didn’t know the name of the song playing on the radio you’d better pray to whatever god you worship that the dj said the name after the song, or you had a stoner friend with little to do in life but listen to you fumble some of the lyrics to him/her, or else you’d be shit outta luck.

But I digress… her myspace page was one of the first hits at google and it’s just as pink feeling as her overly anime dress the day she decided to become net famous. There’s information about her on the page that any maniac can see. I like that about some girls, they have their profile just out there and not that shitty little line “xxxx profile is set to private” which fills me with disgust and I’m all “Fuck you then, see if I stalk you!”.

No Amber seems to be open to new people hitting her up. She also explains how she became hopscotch challenged and devulges a few other pearls of party girl wisdom on our asses before explaining she loves concerts and wants to do that for a living. Good luck with that, you can be the Perez Hilton of concert goers.

But let me get to the reason I am writing all this. A section of Amber’s myspace page is devoted to letting the masses know the faq and one answer “No I will not fuck you” had me wondering just how the hell did she know I was coming. LOL

Of course I”m not the type to send nasty messages to a woman or ask what others have “Is it easy to have sex with a leg missing” ?!?!?! WHAT? Someone actually asked a stranger that? Son of a bitch you don’t ask that… you try to find a one legged girl who will let you do it and Amber ain’t her apparently.

So why is it that I, and many others, want to bang the hell outta this girl? I cannot speak for the others and can barely speak for me about this.

Might it be that I have fetish for pink? Is it the fact that she’s missing a limb that makes me want to stick my chocalate in her peanut butter (that’s not to say my penis is brown.. cuz it’s not goddamn it)…

Whatever whatever…. I have racked my brain both last night and this morning over it and can only come to the conclusion that it’s not her, it’s me. For years I’ve loved the underdog (that cartoon was cool) and even though I try to fight it, I am turned on by the strangest shit (but not shit itself, haha) and whether it’s a McDs worker with a wonky eye, or some prostetic pink punk girl with a following.

Yep, I’m just twisted and in this case I really don’t give a shit. No because somewhere in my thought process I came across the idea that since I would truly love to have sex with this girl, I am treating her just like every other moderatly hot female that’s ever crossed my browser regardless of their leg quantity.

That said I would never go to her with such nonsense and harass a girl who seems to be making the most of life (LESSON) and if you’ve read all this looking for a moral then mother fucker you’re on the wrong site.

Oh and Amber sweety, since you also seem to enjoy people altering your photos for funzies… I made you one…

Amber, if you ever read this I hope you enjoyed it just a little. Sure I find you atractive, just like many others. That said I also think you’re a neat human and wish you all the luck in the world getting your dream to come true.

GODDAMN IT.. I just realized why I wanna knock the back outta her hoochie.. she’s dressed like a naughty schoolgirl. Phew, for a while I worried I may be perverted. Man, I’ll sleep better tonight knowing that isn’t the case.