Sitting on my ass last night a commercial for Binaca Breath Spray came on and it didn’t really seem like much at first. That is until the beautiful blonde turned and smiled right at me. It was love at first site and I’m certain that she feels the same towards me (even though the commercial would have you believe that the guy in the ad was going to get lucky)

No I am sorry but she is mine and just as soon as I find out who the hell she is, I’m to begin a long steamy affair with her and she and I will rule over the land with a firm but gentle hand.

Or I will be forced by my therapist to begin taking my meds again… whichever comes first. Name name name… just need a name people!

And for you video lovers out there…here she is in all of her blonde b&w glory

“Are you ready?” Um HELL YES!!

I still haven’t forced myself to watch Twilight because let’s face it, being a 40yo male I’m not really in their target audience. No, the fact that it’s based in a high school and from what I hear the vampires sparkle, just doesn’t really seem all that cool.

But on the other side, men my age love two things… afternoon naps, and teenage girls. I know that comes as a shock to everyone but it’s true.

So with all the young hotness that this movie has to offer it’s no wonder that all sorts of people have been googling keywords that will hopefully bring some nudes with it and Christian Serratos photos will now come up.

Yes my shiny vampire, or werewolf, fans, Christian has gotten nude. Too bad it’s for PETA. She does have quite a beautiful ass wouldn’t you agree? Has me wondering if she’s a creature of the night or just a victim. Guess I’ll have to throw on a unibomber jacket and sneak down to the local blockbuster to see for myself.

When I ran across this photo of Julia Alexandratou I was struck dumb. I mean there’s no shortage of hot ass women on the internet. After all looking at half naked babes was the reason Al Gore created the internet.

Since my only knowledge of Julia is lusting over the picture above, I had to hunt down her wiki page to find out a little more about her…

Julia Alexandratou (Greek: Τζούλια Αλεξανδράτου) is a Greek model, actress, and pop singer. In 2002, at age 15, she won the title “Miss Young” in Greece. Four years later, Alexandratou won the beauty title “Miss Greece International 2006″ (also called the “Runner-up Star Hellas 2006″) at the Miss Star Hellas pageant.

Julia has lived for several years in England and speaks English fluently.

Now if we can just get her into American film with perhaps a short run in porn. Ahhh, I want her image chisseled on my tombstone.

I’m sure it’s not hard to see why Katy Perry so special. This picture was taken at her most recent birthday party at which a good time was had by all.

Must be nice to be her, lots of friends, presents from the finest stores, and … a cake fight with a bunch of hot chicks involved?!?

GODDAMN!

The only thing I like better than icing cover celebrity tits would be if Katy Perry were to come to my house and personally allow me to lick it off her amble breasts.

Speaking of big juggs, Amy Winehouse’s father just admited that his daughter just had some implants put in. Talk about fun.

Okay so I’m sure you are thinking “I’ve seen better” and that may be true but there’s just something about this image that makes my mouth water.

Really can you blame me? I know nothing else about this girl and haven’t a clue as to what she looks like from the front and you know, it doesn’t matter one bit. To me it’s not about the girl anyway. It’s about her perfect ass in some pretty pink panties and I almost want to stop typing just to pleasure myself… but I’ll refrain.

Truth is that I used to be a total ass man and by that I don’t mean that I was a prick (though I probably was) no I mean that the backside of a female was my favorite part.

As time when on I started noticing the other parts and while in my youth I really didn’t care what a girl’s juggs looked like. Nope, I only cared that she had a nice ass. Too bad that I rarely got a hold of what I would consider a great ass. Only able to look at them from a far as they passed in the mall. Such is life though and now I have the internet to completely depress me what with the thousands of hot booty photos out there now that sexting and self shots are all the rage.

Still even though I find myself attracted a woman not just because of the round playground she may be carrying behind her, I still feel a deep bond with a woman each time I see something like the pic above. And By deep bond I mean that I would sell my soul to lick it.

They say that beauty is only skin deep but that’s generally ugly people’s way of making themselves feel better about having to put pork chops in their pants so the dog will eat their pants I guess.

Whatever, pork or none Brooklyn Decker is one hawt piece of perfect and in my opinion she is right up there with Megan and Olivia as far as looks go and that’s saying something since I’m just an autograph away from stalking those two.

So anyway I don’t think that Brooklyn is a big star and she may never be because she appears to love posing for pictures way too much to do much more than just be a supermodel… like that’s a bad thing.

Of course I could be wrong and Mrs. Decker could be the next Natalie Portman but with slightly larger boobies. But then again if Kate Hudson, Keira Knightly, and Portman can become big hollywood movie stars without a cup between them then if Brooklyn gets butt naked and fucks in a sextape it’s all over for the rest of them. I’ve already read that it’ll be a cold day in hell before Megan Fox does a sex scene with real nudity (BITCH!) and that’s just not fair, damn it.

I’ve invested hours at google image finding pictures of Megan to spank it to and have only found the topless ones she’s pissed about and none of them even show a nipple… A NIPPLE.. can’t a guy just get a peak?!?!

She’s had this off again mostly on again relationship with Brian Austin Greene for several years now and from everything I’ve read (yea I know, grain of salt) Megan Fox is “Batshit Crazy”. Well I find that term misleading because Lady Gaga stands on the first place box of that mental olympics podium if you ask me.

No when it comes to Megan, I had thought that there was just some bipolar type stuff happening up in that pretty little head of her’s. Now that yet another interview has come out, this time in Rolling Stone, I think there may be a lot more scratching at the surface.

On cutting herself:
“Yeah, but I don’t want to elaborate. I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting.”

On if she had an eating disorder:
“If I did talk about it, I’d be taking on a role-model status, and I’d have to choose my words very carefully, and I’d have to make sure I reveal it in a specific way, and I don’t want to do it.”

On her insecurities:
“I’m really insecure about everything. Self-loathing doesn’t keep me from being happy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I am very vulnerable. But I can be aggressive, hurtful, domineering and selfish, too. I’m emotionally unpredictable and all over the place. I’m a control freak.”

On how she’s going to eventually murder Brian Austin Green:
“I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something. Please leave. I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.”

And the funny thing is that I totally seen why Green still wants to bang it. She got a fucking tattoo of his name right above her pussy for crying out loud. It must be some really good pussy for him to want to spend the time needed in it for her to make it his with ink.

If they break up, I want to be in the room when Megan Fox gets her pussy tattoo lazered off. What has two thumbs and is a twisted little mouse (points thumbs at self)…

Oh and yes I know I just posted about Megan Fox a couple bloggy blogs down and fuck you, that’s why.

Ever since watching the movie Scrooged with Bill Murray and seeing the Christmas party scene where the hot blonde is handing out signed copies of the scans she took on the office copier of her panty clad crotch, I’ve wanted to see a girl do that in person.

Trouble is that I’ve never worked in an office type setting and for some damn reason even though I had one of those all in one type of scanner thingys at the house for years I never put two and two together when I’d have women over. FUCK!

The actress pictured above copying her private area is Monet Mazur and OMG she’s the hottest and I love that scene so much I am thinking of leaving my wife for it and running away with it to Bermuda.

On topic copier repair commercial… might be worth a chuckle to ya. Plus if you like em chubby maybe you could get a rise out of the video.

And another with a far more sexy girl making copies of her naughty parts and yet it’s still got some humor in it. Did I mention that this chick is farkin hawt?!?!

And speaking of being copied… wonder which ad agency stole from whom???

This copier girl video appears to be from actual hidden camera. Ahhh a real life slut, they’re so hard to come by. A true marvel to behold.

With all the hatin towards Megan Fox going on I’m reminded of something someone told me long ago and it’s basically that we as humans love to build someone up and love even more to beat them back down.

The guys in charge of South Park even did a show about it starring Britney Spears and pretty much blamed the whole attitude on corn harvest. Guess that is as good a reason as any.

I am not the type to do that though. Megan Fox grew on me and she hasn’t been in a movie, that I’ve seen, where I just have to look at the scene and exclaim WTF.

That cannot be said for others… but there’s just something about a teenage cheerleader turned vampire that gets my juices flowing. Megan can bite me anytime. Though she’d probably just rip me to shreds and leave me to rot. Damn, someone didn’t take his pill today.

Anyway, isn’t she like the hottest bloody girl ever? I mean, Carrie just freaked me out (the original) and my mind isn’t pulling up any other crimson fluid covered babes at the moment. So between her and Sissy it’s another easy win for Fox.

Foreign exchange students rarely look as hot as Shannon Elizabeth did in American Pie though I did meet a girl from Holland once that was here doing that and she was hotter than any girl I knew at the time. Sadly she had plenty of cockblocking fat chicks around her so no alone time for me and Heidi or whatever her name was.

But as I was saying, Shannon is hotter than virtually any female celebrity out there and I must include (gulp) Megan Fox. It’s the tats Meggie…. they’re awful but I’d look over it for a shag… you have my number.

Oh and Shannon Elizabeth is single again after announcing that her and that dancing with the stars goon were no longer a couple. Of course dirtbags like me will see nothing from this other than not having to look at her kissing that douche any longer in photos.

Still I wonder who broke up with who. She does seem like she’d be hard to live with after that new pussy smell wore off that is but shannon is still by far hot enough to look past the flaws for year…. just ask her ex husband. He looked more like a guy that ought to be sucking dick for money to by sandwiches than a dude lucky enough to bang her. He saw her nude for god’s sake… many many times.

Now I’m not the sharpest kitten in the bag, or whatever, so I did the whole raised eyebrow WTF kinda thing until my attention went south so to speak and there it was… Gimpsville, population her. But rather than turn me off to her, the fact that she obviously would be great for playing kiss chase with had me wanting her even more.

That said, I right clicked/saved her image and moved on with my life, such as it is, and never gave much thought to the pink punk amputee.

Oh but I hear you “Then why are you writing about her now”. Right so here’s the thing… last night I was traveling across this great web and ran across another variation of the same photo of Amber (her name apparently). This time she was outside but wearing the same pink nightmare outfit but instead of the “When you see it, you’ll shit bricks” comment there was her name/nick/cb handle “Amber Amputee”.

At first I was taken back by “Amputee”… was the person photoshopping the picture trying to be funny? Was this something that she is called all over the web? Was her father named ‘Burt Amputee’ and if the case wouldn’t it have been more funny to name her “Ima’ ??

I just had to know and luckily google exists because we all know, those of us who grew up back in the day, what it was like to not have constant access to an insane database of all things stupid. If you didn’t know the name of the song playing on the radio you’d better pray to whatever god you worship that the dj said the name after the song, or you had a stoner friend with little to do in life but listen to you fumble some of the lyrics to him/her, or else you’d be shit outta luck.

But I digress… her myspace page was one of the first hits at google and it’s just as pink feeling as her overly anime dress the day she decided to become net famous. There’s information about her on the page that any maniac can see. I like that about some girls, they have their profile just out there and not that shitty little line “xxxx profile is set to private” which fills me with disgust and I’m all “Fuck you then, see if I stalk you!”.

No Amber seems to be open to new people hitting her up. She also explains how she became hopscotch challenged and devulges a few other pearls of party girl wisdom on our asses before explaining she loves concerts and wants to do that for a living. Good luck with that, you can be the Perez Hilton of concert goers.

But let me get to the reason I am writing all this. A section of Amber’s myspace page is devoted to letting the masses know the faq and one answer “No I will not fuck you” had me wondering just how the hell did she know I was coming. LOL

Of course I”m not the type to send nasty messages to a woman or ask what others have “Is it easy to have sex with a leg missing” ?!?!?! WHAT? Someone actually asked a stranger that? Son of a bitch you don’t ask that… you try to find a one legged girl who will let you do it and Amber ain’t her apparently.

So why is it that I, and many others, want to bang the hell outta this girl? I cannot speak for the others and can barely speak for me about this.

Might it be that I have fetish for pink? Is it the fact that she’s missing a limb that makes me want to stick my chocalate in her peanut butter (that’s not to say my penis is brown.. cuz it’s not goddamn it)…

Whatever whatever…. I have racked my brain both last night and this morning over it and can only come to the conclusion that it’s not her, it’s me. For years I’ve loved the underdog (that cartoon was cool) and even though I try to fight it, I am turned on by the strangest shit (but not shit itself, haha) and whether it’s a McDs worker with a wonky eye, or some prostetic pink punk girl with a following.

Yep, I’m just twisted and in this case I really don’t give a shit. No because somewhere in my thought process I came across the idea that since I would truly love to have sex with this girl, I am treating her just like every other moderatly hot female that’s ever crossed my browser regardless of their leg quantity.

That said I would never go to her with such nonsense and harass a girl who seems to be making the most of life (LESSON) and if you’ve read all this looking for a moral then mother fucker you’re on the wrong site.

Oh and Amber sweety, since you also seem to enjoy people altering your photos for funzies… I made you one…

Amber, if you ever read this I hope you enjoyed it just a little. Sure I find you atractive, just like many others. That said I also think you’re a neat human and wish you all the luck in the world getting your dream to come true.

GODDAMN IT.. I just realized why I wanna knock the back outta her hoochie.. she’s dressed like a naughty schoolgirl. Phew, for a while I worried I may be perverted. Man, I’ll sleep better tonight knowing that isn’t the case.

I swear when I first got AOL over ten years ago I was amazed at all of the porn avail online. And I don’t mean just those trashy looking broads that filled the pages of Juggs or any number of dirty magazines that lay beneath my mattress as a teen.

No the women spreading in digital photos were something I hadn’t seen before… fucking hot. And I don’t mean airbrushed bitches like in Playboy (don’t even get me started) but these girls were natural and, at least in my mind, perfect.

So for a few years I marveled at those naked chicks that I found through search engines and damn near beat my weenie into a mess that I started to fear would never rebound into it’s fairly normal shape.

But with any great thing it becomes only good and I sought out some of the nastier side of the web sex scene. Yep, hot nude chicks no longer got me to the happy place that only a few year earlier would have been made possible simply by thumbing through one of my parent’s National Geographics (Goddamn bush titties rocked!).

So my travels across the internet became a journey of one disgusting fetish after another… women who like to be peed on, men with boobs, “is she really gonna let that dog… OMG!!!” type of porn hit my desktop. Was the internet that Al Gore created turning me into a perverted poon hound with little or no social life and disregard for any moral teachings that were ever preached to me by various people?

Even to this day I worry that I may have become a lesser person because of the filth that I have downloaded. But in reality I have to admit that long before there was home computer, I was interested in all types of sexual things. I won’t get into my youth but let’s just say that my grandmother would die just from the visuals.

Speaking of grandmothers, one of the first sites I ran across was one called Voyeur Web (google that… I’ll wait). My first thoughts about this site was that I had hit the freakin poontang goldmine. Thousands of nekkid amateurs showing off to the world and it was all free. Hot damn, no more subscriptions to stupid magazines for me. Besides, no browser made will put you at risk of a paper cut when you are about to “release the beast”. But you have been warned about the oldness and with the reality of normal women comes with it flab and wrinkles and things Charlie Daniels didn’t even have in mind when he wrote Wooley Swamp.

But one thing you didn’t have to worry about when sticky pages together back in the day was viruses. No I don’t mean VD, I mean those horible little computer gremlins that infest your pc and render it virtually useless depending on severity.

Oh that is no fun and I swear that looking at porn has been the death of almost all of my computers. Aside from a few times that I can blame on hardware failures, the rest just stopped loading things and no attempts to restore them would work, at least no like before.

And while I’m at it, don’t you hate the fact that teens these days do no want for sex in any way. With sexting (sending nudes through your phone) becoming so bad that there are commercials about it and google image (with filter off) holding more sick photos than I ever saw pre 90 it’s no wonder kids today are flat out fucking on dance floors. Dirty Dancing back in the day was something I thought would never improve but to see the dry humping going on at youtube, it’s crazy!

So it’s never hard to find porn and getting it free has always been fairly easy… if you don’t mind viruses, ads that resize windows or even overwrite your settings, and redirects. Yea it’s easy but only if you don’t have a type of smut that you love the best.

These days I still p2p some things, google image others, and there are even a few “boards” that I hit up (when I’m looking for amateur hotness) but for the most part I have decided that I now make decent money and have membership to sites that crank my tractor. Hell, I know what you are thinking.. there isn’t a site out there that hasn’t been ripped but the problem is that I would rather be a member for 2 months @ $30 than have to deal with getting another damn dell or hp. If you’ve ever lost 10 years worth of info because a virus took your shit out then you know what I mean.

Also, a external harddrive doesn’t hurt either. But never trust a flashdrive with your stash. I had ten gigs or so wiped out just because I prematurly pulled the damn key drive out before the light went off. UGH! I now have a nice 500gig external in which I trust to not only hold my shameful pix and videos but also my work… if you can call this work. Hopefully I will not lose that information if the current dell craps out.

I am also trying to get off on the more simple pleasures of nudity that the web offers… Take the following pic of Megan Fox..

is it real, NO, does that matter to me, NO because Megan is far hotter than any chick I ever saw in a mag stolen from my father’s top dresser drawer.. and it’s gonna have to be all I need tonight because I refuse to download another interracial gangbang video. It’s just wrong, damn it.. WRONG! And did I mention that I love me some naked celebs??

Don’t get me wrong, I still love the hard stuff. It’s just I feel “internet pretty” attitude has long since invaded my opinion on what real life hotness is and because there are so many girls willing to do guys who look like me and you, for the right money, it’s hard to go to the mall and see all those girls, who are no way near as cute as the babes who look me in the eyes every night and love me at least until I close my internet explorer.

I really should spellcheck this post but Megan is calling to me… “yes my sweet, I did remember to bring the lotion.

Later

Oh but it doesn’t stop there. No, it seems Mindy McCready is involved and may be at least partly to blame for the celebrity sex tapes release. See if you can keep up…

Kari Ann Peniche and Mindy McCready roomed together during the filming of celebrity rehab and during a falling out between the two, Kari claims that Mindy stole the harddrive to her computer (who does that??) and said HD contained a copy of a sexual encounter that Kari had with Rebecca and Eric.

Since the tape hit the web, Mr. Dane aka his made up porn names (”Peter,” “Cocaine Manner,” “Tristan Daily,” and “Tuff Hedeman,” a famous bull rider.) has denied having sex with Kari, a sentiment that she mirrors with her comments of

Kari Ann insists there was absolutely no sex involved — they played dress up and the two women then soaked together in a bathtub as Eric called “action” behind the camera.

If you are unfamiliar with Mindy McCready here’s a little back story…

Country music singer Mindy McCready has had serious legal and personal problems for the past few years, and now comes a rumor that there is a possible “tape” of the 33-year-old. Oh, this can’t be good…

Details are sketchy and it’s unclear who might be in this alleged sex tape with McCready but this woman doesn’t need any more trouble in her life. Her reps have denied the existence of any such tape – let’s hope they are telling the truth.

Mindy, who admitted to an affair with baseball star Roger Clemens when she was just 15, that lasted for a decade, has been trying to get her life back on track for several years. Although, I’m not sure how much success she’ll have.

Her ex-boyfriend, and father of her 3-year-old son Zander, Billy McKnight, was arrested and charged with attempted murder of the singer, in 2005, and now he’s back in her life in a big way.

The two have been seen together, as recently as last month and they have released a single titled Sweeter from Billy’s self-titled debut album. How do you go from alleging your boyfriend tried to kill you to performing a duet with him?

Mindy, who has had problems with drugs and alcohol, and has attempted suicide on several ocassions (once while she was pregnant) will be a cast member of the new Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

If you are unfamiliar with Rebecca Gayheart she’s an actress and was a Noxema girl for a bit. She also ran over a child and killed him while she was talking on the phone as she drove. No jail time was passed down for what some people feel is at the very least vehicular homicide and some even go as far as to say murder since it came out only months later that Rebecca enjoyed smoking crack as the National Enquirer bared to the world with Gayheart photo showing her and another woman in the bath (shocking) and in Rebecca’s hand was a crack pipe and lighter.

Apparently this was taken by another man before Dane came into the picture. Bitch likes to smoke crack and get naked, who doesn’t right? LOL

Women fans of Grey’s Anatomy are bringing down the web trying to find pictures of Eric Dane’s penis nude and though I don’t want to go looking for his naked as personally, the following site will probably show Eric Dane nude sex at any given moment.

The urban dictionary defines Butterface as someone with a sexy as hell body but her face is ugly. It is for this reason that I say that Lady Gaga doesn’t comply with the ground rules.

Simply put, this she man has the body of a retarded vulture and the body like of of the cast members of Deadliest Catch. There’s even rumor that Gagger may even be transgender (cough Fergie cough).

And speaking of Fergie, you’d be hard pressed to find a better example of a celebrity butterface than this Black Eyed Pees on stage. Her body is slamming while every mirror in her house has attempted suicide at least once.

Another perfect example of butterface… Brooke Hogan. I mean goddamn this woman’s bod scream “oh fuck me” while her face screams “OH… FUCK… ME”. She needs to take that act to the wrestling ring. I’d pay money to see her get punched in the face a few times. I’d also like to see her brother get in a knife fight with a ninja but that’s another story.

My opinion on Lady Gagamofo not withstanding, the following video is a funny as hell lampoon of her song Pokerface.

My body’s like a Barbie and my face is like a Ken

HA! bitch

Sure not all tattoos that women get are signs of a whore. I’m pretty sure most of you can see the difference between getting a nice little one on yourself to getting a bullseye on her lower back.

I do have to say that even though I’m truly not a big tat lover, I would never ever ever kick Megan Fox out of my bed… even if she was getting inked right then. Of course we would have to look into a coverup, laser, or wrecking balm for that Brian tat she has right about her pussy. Or she can pay to have my name legally changed to Brian.

You have to take a stand… right? LOL

covered in tattoos

Oh and one pic with her panties down so you can just barely see her pussy bump.

Have to throw in this one of Kat Von D topless so that I can put the post in the nudes section.

A wise man once said, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. What does that have to do with anything? Hell, I don’t know. I didn’t really count on anyone actually reading anything in this post.

Anyway, I have always had a thing for chicks dressed up like nuns while being sexy and/or naughty. Guess it goes back to going to a christian school briefly. May be why I like getting spanked with a ruler to this day. In any event I hope you like the half naked nuns because it might just become a habit… see what I did there?

Megan Fox makes for a naughty yet sexy nun.

Elisabetta Canalis George Clooney’s new girlfriend (Lucky SOB)

If you are anything like me, you watch movies to escape either a tragic life or maybe just a rough day. In that case you know how much it burns my ass up to spend 10-20 dollars of my semi-hard earned money at (insert store name) only to find that the money you’ve just spent has been pissed away on some horid excuse for a movie.

Case in point was that wreck of a flick with Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl, Knocked Up. In the commercials I found myself drawn into the humor and of course since the ads were running on tv you really had no idea that once you hit play on the twenty dollar dvd that you’d basically be subjected to “FUck fuckity fuck fuck. Fucky fucky i’m pregnant fucky fuck fuck fuck-a-mazoo”

Much like Life Aquatic, I had to just pull the movie out and just sit there in disgust. I mean not since the jim carrey majestic disaster have I been so upset that a movie didn’t bring what it promised. I mean it’s Jim Fucking Carrey…. I don’t want drama from Jim Carrey. I want him to light his nutsack on fire and make crazy faces in the process.

Speaking of nutsacks on fire, let me rant a little about a movie called Stick It. The commercials had me all ready for two guys that were all excited because they were getting to see a bunch of hot gymnists and virtually every seen either showed sexy or those two rascals but oh no… no no no, when the movie was purchased I found that not only were the two funny guys not a big part of the flick but you didn’t see them at all and sexy… THERE WAS NO SEXY! Well, aside from that Haley girl, played by Missy Peregrym, and she’s hotter than turtle nuts on the highway but still it wasn’t as promised.

And OM freaking G I hate that hairlip douche who played the coach. He doesn’t have but one facial expression and it sucks. Hell if Ben Stiller can pull Blue Steel outta his ass, then Jeff Bridges could do something ARGH! Please stop giving that moron work!

Missy is a babe though…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… how in the hell can this giant butt be sexy to anyone? I think even Sir-Mix-Alot would thow up in his hat if Jennifer Lopez would attempt to back that ass up.

Hell the last time I saw an ass that big it was carry people up a mountain. I could go on and on but instead I’ll just hit “post”, drink a bottle or two of Pepto, then sit in my shower for the rest of the evening.

Phooto credit : Splash News

Oh and since this is neither hot nor nude (thank you jesus) I’ll stash this in the gossip section and hope for the best.

Just when you thought it was over, Vanessa Hudgens pulls you back into her life of smut. Look at her just standing around nude like that with her cellphone of evil corrupting our gentle minds.

I almost could not bear, or is that bare, to look at all (and I mean all) of those dirty naked pics.

One thing that is great about round two of Vanessa Hudgens nudes is that in a couple of photos you can see that she is now trimming up that hairy pussy of her’s. The actress made famous in High School Musical is now sporting a delightful landing strip…

Click here for the rest, and larger size, set of the pics of Vanessa nude

Being connected to the web for years and you come to realize something… there’s a butt load of hot women out there that get naked. Sure back before they came up with this whole internet thingy there was no shortage of nudie mags. Playboy, hustler, swank, etc were all under my mattress as a teen but they were kind of a pain since one rarely wants to stroke it to the same picture there’s always that awkward moment right before the fireworks as to whether or not this chick should be lucky enough to recieve the “award”. Thus beginning what I like to call the uncertainty flip around stage of magazine masturbation. You know what I mean, you frantically search for the right page before you … you (UGH DAMN IT).

Well, the internet put a stop to that pretty much as a fella can have many many browsers loaded and ready to take on the challenge. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The girl in the pic above is named Iveta B by the website(s) she takes pictures for and she’s one of the first girls I saw back in the day and thought “Oh I’m gonna love you tonight”. Sofa King hot, if you know what I mean.

Iveta B gallery if you are interested in seeing why she cranks my tractor. Image 11 will pretty much paint the scene nicely. Just look and don’t touch because I shall endeavor to make her mine at some point and I don’t want her all greasy.

I just about peed my pants during this obviously faked scene of the hit smash movie Twilight. I still haven’t seen the original, though my wife enjoyed it, and they are supposedly making a sequel. I just don’t think I’m in the age range for getting into this tween vampire flick even though I do think that pipe smoking Kristen Stewart is a pie I wouldn’t mind getting a slice of.

“I’m not going to wear a condom” hahaha

Who’s your favorite little rascal? Spanky? I’m guessing that is the case with many female stars since they all seem to enjoy touching themselves in front of the camera. And to make matters better, not all of the time is the masturbating stars fun just for show. Nope, in the case of Mimi Macpherson (Elle’s sister) she and then husband decided it would be nice to spend an afternoon spanking each other’s monkeys. Of course there’s sex too but it hardly beats off a hot famous female twittering herself, and I don’t mean the site with the little blue bird logo, though that is entertaining in it’s own right just ask Miley Cyrus. Not because she plays with her hoohah… she likes posting nonsense photos of herself online

This site has the Macpherson Video for downloading

Oh and I had to play this short video clip of one of the chicks from Dawson’s Creek (though scene isn’t from the series) Monica Keena playing with the little man in the boat. SINNER!

Monica Keena Masturbating

I don’t know if I will post about Megan today but do think that I haven’t seen too much of her to warrant a blackout day from her pictures. Funny thing is that if today at some point a real Megan Fox sex Video hit the web, or even some upskirts wearing no panties scratched the surface of the interwebby… all of the fed up sites will break their fingers posting about it then pull a few groin muscles looking at them.

I’m looking at her lovely face right now because she’s part of my computer’s background. Just her standing their all sexy in some green lacey tanktop with her hands in her back pockets. Some might say she is hiding her hands because of some wonky thumbs but I’ve seen them and my first thought was “come on you bastards, this is all you got?”. Let me tell you if my only flaw was thumbs with flat ends I would kiss the sky (or whatever happy people do).

Damn, I should have just found a decent pic of Megan and put all this into a post instead of bumping an old post with this comment…. I think I may do just that. Hold on let me find a pic. I got it, I’ll use the pic from my background. I is smrt.

Update 8.18.2009 adding following video of Megan Denise Fox. It’s a fake PSA an while not really funny, it is short, it is Megan, and she says the word “fuck” in it… so it’s not a total loss.

photo credit Abby Winters

Some problems in life can only be settled by stripping down nude and having a pillow fight amongs yourselves. At least that’s what my mother always said.

Of course I am only joking because I’ve never seen naked chicks battling it out with pillows in real life and my mother was a mean old bitch god rest her soul. She’s not dead but I digress.

So I’m sitting around trying to figure out what exactly I will post about Megan Fox today on the official “Megan Fox blackout” day and it just occured to me that the best thing to do is just sit back and let the feather fly. Okay so my mother was right, I’m retarded.

I also found the following photo of the Olsen twins having a pillow fight but I feel sorta wrong just looking at it. I mean they are legal but damn…

You know those songs you hate but like at the same time. The tunes that get stuck in your head for days and you cannot seem to replace them with any other melody short of “don’t worry, be happy” and that in itself is pure mental torture of a song so you don’t try that one.

Well there’s a group called the Ting Tings and the singer is a nice looking blonde named Katie White. I ran across this song video “That’s not my name” and for some reason hit the youtube play button though I’m not normally prone to such things.

Here’s my first shot at embedding a video and if it works I feel I must warn you… the song has also been embedded in my thoughts for about an hour now and there’s no signs of getting out.

And just so I can place this in the gossip section… did you hear that Katie White has two vaginas? Amazing right?

Second you need to lurk in the shadows of the other paparazzi which won’t be hard to do since the nine million other “photographers” will be hounding the hotel heiress mercilessly.

Third… Rrrreach for it… rrrreach for it… CLICK!

Bob’s your uncle you just made 50k and now you can get your guitar out of pawn and as soon as you can get Nigel out of jail you’ll have your drummer.

photo credit Wenn.com

Here’s your chance people… Bar Refaeli is single and all ready to mingle. Hell, it might as well be you sniffing around her nappy dugout. Now, I’ve never been the sharpest marble in the bag, or something along those lines but I can never see breaking up with someone so fine as long as she isn’t letting others tap that ass.

Then again, maybe Bar is just that hot. It’s not like I haven’t been cheated on many many times… I blame Jesus.

But I digress… so we’ll probably never get a taste of the real thing but we always have the pics that she has been kind enough to take for me.. er I meant you. Because would you just look at those breasts, it the things dreams are made of.

Watch it yourself and be the envy of your friends!

You know there’s just something about a girl that is willing to let you film them doing dirty stuff. Of course the net is full of amateur hotties that are willing to do just that.

Even better would be, at least to me, a celeb getting her freak on for the camera and that’s just what Gossip girl Leighton Meester has done.

And it goes without saying that Leighton isn’t hard on the eyes like some of the other celebrities that have bared their nude bodies for either fun, profit, or well who knows why some of the famous girls strip down and have sex only to be made more famous when the tape is stolen, leaked, or in some cases sold by them and/or the person lucky enough to be in charge of the play button on the night of the festivities

And by be I mean “be inside of” and by be inside of I mean that I want to be inside of Blake Lively while she is wearing this hot little schoolgirl outfit for the gossip girl show she plays in.

Holy freakin damn!

I just had to find a place to upload the larger version of this Blake Lively schoolgirl pic for you… even though you haven’t done anything for me lately (hint)

(please note this image is not served on my site but the image is there)

Some things in life just make you question whether or not there’s a god and perhaps we are just cosmic dust floating in a sea of nothingness.

This picture is not one of those things. Tell me how the hell does a woman that fine exist? beautiful blonde with cowboy hat and the most erect nipples that i have ever seen… oh there’s a god alright and he is torturing me until I die.

Of course the image did not name who this perfect female is and so I must go on longing. And speaking of things getting longer, let me excuse myself to be with um myself.

I really love this woman. Mila was pretty good in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Oh and nice cleavage ya got thur!

You know that you’ve thought about Megan Fox sexually. Hell I spend most of my days either posting about her or google imaging for that new candid Megan photo hoping there might be a glimpse of panty or dare I wish… nip slip from this dark haired angel. But this guy…. this guy has stones the size of King Kong…

“This year, Johansson was the headliner, promoting Iron Man 2, but it was an appearance by Megan Fox which had the geeks talking after one fan approached the star during a Q&A to promote her new supernatural western Jonah Hex. “My question is for Megan,” the man said. “I have a Sony HVR (video camera). It’s not a true HD, but it gives a pretty good image. Anyway, my question is: I just graduated film school and I’m trying to help my career. I was wondering if you’d be interested in some kind of, like, celebrity sextape?” With that, a couple of security guards grabbed the fella and took him to an undisclosed location. “Dude, I can’t wait to see what you look like in 30 minutes,” Fox’s co-star, Josh Brolin, quipped as the man was dragged away.”

Okay so he got shot down but not as bad as she did it when Seth Rogen and her were on the Kimmel show… watch this following video to see what I mean. But be warned, Kimmel finds the clip and shows it over and over and it’s painful to watch Seth’s reaction.

That was so harsh and she was/is so freakin sexy… I said Goddamn!

Download this video!

So the story goes that this is Britney Spears giving her ex husband a blowjob and they video taped it. Stranger things have happened and the girl on screen certainly looks like the pop diva but I have my doubts. Still, for the sake of “I saw the video of Britney Spears blowing some cock” I had to watch it. Don’t want to seem lame to my grandchildren… if they ever bring that kind of stuff up, lol. You know, because kids are dirty bastards sometimes.

It seems like overnight that Megan Fox has become one of those babes that people shoot presidents over. Not that I disagree but that didn’t quite work out for the last dude. Wasn’t it Jodie Foster that the nutball wanted when he shot Reagan?

But yea it really bothers me that I have fallen in love with a woman whom I’ve never met. Do you think that all this attention freaks Megan Fox the hell out? Gotta be off putting to go from pretty to hottest all in a matter of a few years. Well I hope she manages the fame well and even better finds someone to love that is more than hot sex. Of course I’m just passing on rumor that her and Brian have little in common outside the bedroom. Then again at her age it really doesn’t matter too much. Plenty of time, assuming she doesn’t get pregnant, to sow oats.

If anyone every doubted that there was a god they need only look at Veronika Zemanova and know that they will never get anyone as freaking over the top hot as this beautiful creature.

Hey, I didn’t say god liked you. Did you see those tits? I said GOD (wait for it… wait for it) DAMN !!! I’m usually the type to say something crass like “I’d break that pussy” or “They would need a treasure map to find my cock in her ass” but honestly seeing her naked would probably reduce me to tears and how good could the sex be when I’d have to stop often to use a tissue to blow my nose. You know, what with all the childlike sobbing and wimpering.

Then again who knows, I just might kill the poonanny. No seriously, did you see those tits on Veronika? Ohhh my!

Now I really never watched the Girls next door and haven’t had any interest in seeing Kendra’s solo reality show. That said, I do think that Kendra is the coolest one of Hef’s ex whores and she is always getting naked.

So it comes as no surprise that pics of Kendra at her wedding dress fitting before the cerimony include several shots of her breasts popping out. You gotta love this chick. Well I don’t know about love, but I’d sure like to have her mouth on my cock “suck me beautiful style”.

That seriously has to be one of my favorite celebrity photos this year… and there are pics of Mini Me humping out there!

Making the scene in more ways that just having a baby with fellow rapper Nas, Kelis is said to be the star of her very own sextape. Now the rumor is that the penis in the video scan isn’t that of Nas so that may have something to do with the couple spliting up even though she was pregnant at the time.

Nothing says I love you than taking a load from some other guy on video tape. I’ve been doing things all wrong! Where’s my camera??

I figured why the hell not post a pic of Kate Gosselin upskirt because I know how everyone wants to see what’s going on down there after birthing 8 kids. Seems to me we are lucky that she is wearing panties because otherwise we may be face to face with something along the lines of what pulled Jack Sparrow down to the otherside.

Oh and might I say that it looks like someone’s panties are full and in need of changing and it’s not one of the children.. I’m just saying.

Of course egotastic had to go and ruin the fun by posting the original with clearly shows another woman’s face on the image. I suppose I could counter with perhaps it is the other woman who is photochopped onto a naked photo of Emma Watson. But alas it is in my nature to accept things (hahaha lol i couldn’t even type that with straight fingers).

But this really is Emma fixing to suck a dick… I swear!

Nothing says lovin like a nice big ole set of titties and Lindsay Lohan seems to fit the bill nicely. At least most of the time she does because every now and again I think she diets too much or has the doctor remove her implants. For shame Lindsay