Sitting on my ass last night a commercial for Binaca Breath Spray came on and it didn’t really seem like much at first. That is until the beautiful blonde turned and smiled right at me. It was love at first site and I’m certain that she feels the same towards me (even though the commercial would have you believe that the guy in the ad was going to get lucky)

No I am sorry but she is mine and just as soon as I find out who the hell she is, I’m to begin a long steamy affair with her and she and I will rule over the land with a firm but gentle hand.

Or I will be forced by my therapist to begin taking my meds again… whichever comes first. Name name name… just need a name people!

And for you video lovers out there…here she is in all of her blonde b&w glory

“Are you ready?” Um HELL YES!!

When I ran across this photo of Julia Alexandratou I was struck dumb. I mean there’s no shortage of hot ass women on the internet. After all looking at half naked babes was the reason Al Gore created the internet.

Since my only knowledge of Julia is lusting over the picture above, I had to hunt down her wiki page to find out a little more about her…

Julia Alexandratou (Greek: Τζούλια Αλεξανδράτου) is a Greek model, actress, and pop singer. In 2002, at age 15, she won the title “Miss Young” in Greece. Four years later, Alexandratou won the beauty title “Miss Greece International 2006″ (also called the “Runner-up Star Hellas 2006″) at the Miss Star Hellas pageant.

Julia has lived for several years in England and speaks English fluently.

Now if we can just get her into American film with perhaps a short run in porn. Ahhh, I want her image chisseled on my tombstone.

I’m sure it’s not hard to see why Katy Perry so special. This picture was taken at her most recent birthday party at which a good time was had by all.

Must be nice to be her, lots of friends, presents from the finest stores, and … a cake fight with a bunch of hot chicks involved?!?

GODDAMN!

The only thing I like better than icing cover celebrity tits would be if Katy Perry were to come to my house and personally allow me to lick it off her amble breasts.

Speaking of big juggs, Amy Winehouse’s father just admited that his daughter just had some implants put in. Talk about fun.

Okay so I’m sure you are thinking “I’ve seen better” and that may be true but there’s just something about this image that makes my mouth water.

Really can you blame me? I know nothing else about this girl and haven’t a clue as to what she looks like from the front and you know, it doesn’t matter one bit. To me it’s not about the girl anyway. It’s about her perfect ass in some pretty pink panties and I almost want to stop typing just to pleasure myself… but I’ll refrain.

Truth is that I used to be a total ass man and by that I don’t mean that I was a prick (though I probably was) no I mean that the backside of a female was my favorite part.

As time when on I started noticing the other parts and while in my youth I really didn’t care what a girl’s juggs looked like. Nope, I only cared that she had a nice ass. Too bad that I rarely got a hold of what I would consider a great ass. Only able to look at them from a far as they passed in the mall. Such is life though and now I have the internet to completely depress me what with the thousands of hot booty photos out there now that sexting and self shots are all the rage.

Still even though I find myself attracted a woman not just because of the round playground she may be carrying behind her, I still feel a deep bond with a woman each time I see something like the pic above. And By deep bond I mean that I would sell my soul to lick it.

They say that beauty is only skin deep but that’s generally ugly people’s way of making themselves feel better about having to put pork chops in their pants so the dog will eat their pants I guess.

Whatever, pork or none Brooklyn Decker is one hawt piece of perfect and in my opinion she is right up there with Megan and Olivia as far as looks go and that’s saying something since I’m just an autograph away from stalking those two.

So anyway I don’t think that Brooklyn is a big star and she may never be because she appears to love posing for pictures way too much to do much more than just be a supermodel… like that’s a bad thing.

Of course I could be wrong and Mrs. Decker could be the next Natalie Portman but with slightly larger boobies. But then again if Kate Hudson, Keira Knightly, and Portman can become big hollywood movie stars without a cup between them then if Brooklyn gets butt naked and fucks in a sextape it’s all over for the rest of them. I’ve already read that it’ll be a cold day in hell before Megan Fox does a sex scene with real nudity (BITCH!) and that’s just not fair, damn it.

I’ve invested hours at google image finding pictures of Megan to spank it to and have only found the topless ones she’s pissed about and none of them even show a nipple… A NIPPLE.. can’t a guy just get a peak?!?!

She’s had this off again mostly on again relationship with Brian Austin Greene for several years now and from everything I’ve read (yea I know, grain of salt) Megan Fox is “Batshit Crazy”. Well I find that term misleading because Lady Gaga stands on the first place box of that mental olympics podium if you ask me.

No when it comes to Megan, I had thought that there was just some bipolar type stuff happening up in that pretty little head of her’s. Now that yet another interview has come out, this time in Rolling Stone, I think there may be a lot more scratching at the surface.

On cutting herself:
“Yeah, but I don’t want to elaborate. I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting.”

On if she had an eating disorder:
“If I did talk about it, I’d be taking on a role-model status, and I’d have to choose my words very carefully, and I’d have to make sure I reveal it in a specific way, and I don’t want to do it.”

On her insecurities:
“I’m really insecure about everything. Self-loathing doesn’t keep me from being happy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I am very vulnerable. But I can be aggressive, hurtful, domineering and selfish, too. I’m emotionally unpredictable and all over the place. I’m a control freak.”

On how she’s going to eventually murder Brian Austin Green:
“I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something. Please leave. I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.”

And the funny thing is that I totally seen why Green still wants to bang it. She got a fucking tattoo of his name right above her pussy for crying out loud. It must be some really good pussy for him to want to spend the time needed in it for her to make it his with ink.

If they break up, I want to be in the room when Megan Fox gets her pussy tattoo lazered off. What has two thumbs and is a twisted little mouse (points thumbs at self)…

Oh and yes I know I just posted about Megan Fox a couple bloggy blogs down and fuck you, that’s why.

With all the hatin towards Megan Fox going on I’m reminded of something someone told me long ago and it’s basically that we as humans love to build someone up and love even more to beat them back down.

The guys in charge of South Park even did a show about it starring Britney Spears and pretty much blamed the whole attitude on corn harvest. Guess that is as good a reason as any.

I am not the type to do that though. Megan Fox grew on me and she hasn’t been in a movie, that I’ve seen, where I just have to look at the scene and exclaim WTF.

That cannot be said for others… but there’s just something about a teenage cheerleader turned vampire that gets my juices flowing. Megan can bite me anytime. Though she’d probably just rip me to shreds and leave me to rot. Damn, someone didn’t take his pill today.

Anyway, isn’t she like the hottest bloody girl ever? I mean, Carrie just freaked me out (the original) and my mind isn’t pulling up any other crimson fluid covered babes at the moment. So between her and Sissy it’s another easy win for Fox.

Foreign exchange students rarely look as hot as Shannon Elizabeth did in American Pie though I did meet a girl from Holland once that was here doing that and she was hotter than any girl I knew at the time. Sadly she had plenty of cockblocking fat chicks around her so no alone time for me and Heidi or whatever her name was.

But as I was saying, Shannon is hotter than virtually any female celebrity out there and I must include (gulp) Megan Fox. It’s the tats Meggie…. they’re awful but I’d look over it for a shag… you have my number.

Oh and Shannon Elizabeth is single again after announcing that her and that dancing with the stars goon were no longer a couple. Of course dirtbags like me will see nothing from this other than not having to look at her kissing that douche any longer in photos.

Still I wonder who broke up with who. She does seem like she’d be hard to live with after that new pussy smell wore off that is but shannon is still by far hot enough to look past the flaws for year…. just ask her ex husband. He looked more like a guy that ought to be sucking dick for money to by sandwiches than a dude lucky enough to bang her. He saw her nude for god’s sake… many many times.

Now I’m not the sharpest kitten in the bag, or whatever, so I did the whole raised eyebrow WTF kinda thing until my attention went south so to speak and there it was… Gimpsville, population her. But rather than turn me off to her, the fact that she obviously would be great for playing kiss chase with had me wanting her even more.

That said, I right clicked/saved her image and moved on with my life, such as it is, and never gave much thought to the pink punk amputee.

Oh but I hear you “Then why are you writing about her now”. Right so here’s the thing… last night I was traveling across this great web and ran across another variation of the same photo of Amber (her name apparently). This time she was outside but wearing the same pink nightmare outfit but instead of the “When you see it, you’ll shit bricks” comment there was her name/nick/cb handle “Amber Amputee”.

At first I was taken back by “Amputee”… was the person photoshopping the picture trying to be funny? Was this something that she is called all over the web? Was her father named ‘Burt Amputee’ and if the case wouldn’t it have been more funny to name her “Ima’ ??

I just had to know and luckily google exists because we all know, those of us who grew up back in the day, what it was like to not have constant access to an insane database of all things stupid. If you didn’t know the name of the song playing on the radio you’d better pray to whatever god you worship that the dj said the name after the song, or you had a stoner friend with little to do in life but listen to you fumble some of the lyrics to him/her, or else you’d be shit outta luck.

But I digress… her myspace page was one of the first hits at google and it’s just as pink feeling as her overly anime dress the day she decided to become net famous. There’s information about her on the page that any maniac can see. I like that about some girls, they have their profile just out there and not that shitty little line “xxxx profile is set to private” which fills me with disgust and I’m all “Fuck you then, see if I stalk you!”.

No Amber seems to be open to new people hitting her up. She also explains how she became hopscotch challenged and devulges a few other pearls of party girl wisdom on our asses before explaining she loves concerts and wants to do that for a living. Good luck with that, you can be the Perez Hilton of concert goers.

But let me get to the reason I am writing all this. A section of Amber’s myspace page is devoted to letting the masses know the faq and one answer “No I will not fuck you” had me wondering just how the hell did she know I was coming. LOL

Of course I”m not the type to send nasty messages to a woman or ask what others have “Is it easy to have sex with a leg missing” ?!?!?! WHAT? Someone actually asked a stranger that? Son of a bitch you don’t ask that… you try to find a one legged girl who will let you do it and Amber ain’t her apparently.

So why is it that I, and many others, want to bang the hell outta this girl? I cannot speak for the others and can barely speak for me about this.

Might it be that I have fetish for pink? Is it the fact that she’s missing a limb that makes me want to stick my chocalate in her peanut butter (that’s not to say my penis is brown.. cuz it’s not goddamn it)…

Whatever whatever…. I have racked my brain both last night and this morning over it and can only come to the conclusion that it’s not her, it’s me. For years I’ve loved the underdog (that cartoon was cool) and even though I try to fight it, I am turned on by the strangest shit (but not shit itself, haha) and whether it’s a McDs worker with a wonky eye, or some prostetic pink punk girl with a following.

Yep, I’m just twisted and in this case I really don’t give a shit. No because somewhere in my thought process I came across the idea that since I would truly love to have sex with this girl, I am treating her just like every other moderatly hot female that’s ever crossed my browser regardless of their leg quantity.

That said I would never go to her with such nonsense and harass a girl who seems to be making the most of life (LESSON) and if you’ve read all this looking for a moral then mother fucker you’re on the wrong site.

Oh and Amber sweety, since you also seem to enjoy people altering your photos for funzies… I made you one…

Amber, if you ever read this I hope you enjoyed it just a little. Sure I find you atractive, just like many others. That said I also think you’re a neat human and wish you all the luck in the world getting your dream to come true.

GODDAMN IT.. I just realized why I wanna knock the back outta her hoochie.. she’s dressed like a naughty schoolgirl. Phew, for a while I worried I may be perverted. Man, I’ll sleep better tonight knowing that isn’t the case.

A wise man once said, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. What does that have to do with anything? Hell, I don’t know. I didn’t really count on anyone actually reading anything in this post.

Anyway, I have always had a thing for chicks dressed up like nuns while being sexy and/or naughty. Guess it goes back to going to a christian school briefly. May be why I like getting spanked with a ruler to this day. In any event I hope you like the half naked nuns because it might just become a habit… see what I did there?

Megan Fox makes for a naughty yet sexy nun.

Elisabetta Canalis George Clooney’s new girlfriend (Lucky SOB)

I don’t know if I will post about Megan today but do think that I haven’t seen too much of her to warrant a blackout day from her pictures. Funny thing is that if today at some point a real Megan Fox sex Video hit the web, or even some upskirts wearing no panties scratched the surface of the interwebby… all of the fed up sites will break their fingers posting about it then pull a few groin muscles looking at them.

I’m looking at her lovely face right now because she’s part of my computer’s background. Just her standing their all sexy in some green lacey tanktop with her hands in her back pockets. Some might say she is hiding her hands because of some wonky thumbs but I’ve seen them and my first thought was “come on you bastards, this is all you got?”. Let me tell you if my only flaw was thumbs with flat ends I would kiss the sky (or whatever happy people do).

Damn, I should have just found a decent pic of Megan and put all this into a post instead of bumping an old post with this comment…. I think I may do just that. Hold on let me find a pic. I got it, I’ll use the pic from my background. I is smrt.

Update 8.18.2009 adding following video of Megan Denise Fox. It’s a fake PSA an while not really funny, it is short, it is Megan, and she says the word “fuck” in it… so it’s not a total loss.

Here’s your chance people… Bar Refaeli is single and all ready to mingle. Hell, it might as well be you sniffing around her nappy dugout. Now, I’ve never been the sharpest marble in the bag, or something along those lines but I can never see breaking up with someone so fine as long as she isn’t letting others tap that ass.

Then again, maybe Bar is just that hot. It’s not like I haven’t been cheated on many many times… I blame Jesus.

But I digress… so we’ll probably never get a taste of the real thing but we always have the pics that she has been kind enough to take for me.. er I meant you. Because would you just look at those breasts, it the things dreams are made of.

And by be I mean “be inside of” and by be inside of I mean that I want to be inside of Blake Lively while she is wearing this hot little schoolgirl outfit for the gossip girl show she plays in.

Holy freakin damn!

I just had to find a place to upload the larger version of this Blake Lively schoolgirl pic for you… even though you haven’t done anything for me lately (hint)

(please note this image is not served on my site but the image is there)

Some things in life just make you question whether or not there’s a god and perhaps we are just cosmic dust floating in a sea of nothingness.

This picture is not one of those things. Tell me how the hell does a woman that fine exist? beautiful blonde with cowboy hat and the most erect nipples that i have ever seen… oh there’s a god alright and he is torturing me until I die.

Of course the image did not name who this perfect female is and so I must go on longing. And speaking of things getting longer, let me excuse myself to be with um myself.

I really love this woman. Mila was pretty good in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Oh and nice cleavage ya got thur!

It seems like overnight that Megan Fox has become one of those babes that people shoot presidents over. Not that I disagree but that didn’t quite work out for the last dude. Wasn’t it Jodie Foster that the nutball wanted when he shot Reagan?

But yea it really bothers me that I have fallen in love with a woman whom I’ve never met. Do you think that all this attention freaks Megan Fox the hell out? Gotta be off putting to go from pretty to hottest all in a matter of a few years. Well I hope she manages the fame well and even better finds someone to love that is more than hot sex. Of course I’m just passing on rumor that her and Brian have little in common outside the bedroom. Then again at her age it really doesn’t matter too much. Plenty of time, assuming she doesn’t get pregnant, to sow oats.

If anyone every doubted that there was a god they need only look at Veronika Zemanova and know that they will never get anyone as freaking over the top hot as this beautiful creature.

Hey, I didn’t say god liked you. Did you see those tits? I said GOD (wait for it… wait for it) DAMN !!! I’m usually the type to say something crass like “I’d break that pussy” or “They would need a treasure map to find my cock in her ass” but honestly seeing her naked would probably reduce me to tears and how good could the sex be when I’d have to stop often to use a tissue to blow my nose. You know, what with all the childlike sobbing and wimpering.

Then again who knows, I just might kill the poonanny. No seriously, did you see those tits on Veronika? Ohhh my!

Nothing says lovin like a nice big ole set of titties and Lindsay Lohan seems to fit the bill nicely. At least most of the time she does because every now and again I think she diets too much or has the doctor remove her implants. For shame Lindsay

Nothing against sexy celebs in lingerie but Angelina Jolie just needs to be naked all the time. In fact there should be a law stating as such. Of course there should also be a law against chiaobama but that’s another story all together. Now, everyone in the bed… 1,2,3!

“Jude and Cameron have been good friends since they filmed The Holiday together a few years ago. Now they are both single, things are a bit different between them. Jude has been flirting with her and she has been playing along.”

From what I hear, Jude was pulling out the full charm offensive at Boujis specially for Cameron’s benefit.