She’s had this off again mostly on again relationship with Brian Austin Greene for several years now and from everything I’ve read (yea I know, grain of salt) Megan Fox is “Batshit Crazy”. Well I find that term misleading because Lady Gaga stands on the first place box of that mental olympics podium if you ask me.

No when it comes to Megan, I had thought that there was just some bipolar type stuff happening up in that pretty little head of her’s. Now that yet another interview has come out, this time in Rolling Stone, I think there may be a lot more scratching at the surface.

On cutting herself:
“Yeah, but I don’t want to elaborate. I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting.”

On if she had an eating disorder:
“If I did talk about it, I’d be taking on a role-model status, and I’d have to choose my words very carefully, and I’d have to make sure I reveal it in a specific way, and I don’t want to do it.”

On her insecurities:
“I’m really insecure about everything. Self-loathing doesn’t keep me from being happy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I am very vulnerable. But I can be aggressive, hurtful, domineering and selfish, too. I’m emotionally unpredictable and all over the place. I’m a control freak.”

On how she’s going to eventually murder Brian Austin Green:
“I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something. Please leave. I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.”

And the funny thing is that I totally seen why Green still wants to bang it. She got a fucking tattoo of his name right above her pussy for crying out loud. It must be some really good pussy for him to want to spend the time needed in it for her to make it his with ink.

If they break up, I want to be in the room when Megan Fox gets her pussy tattoo lazered off. What has two thumbs and is a twisted little mouse (points thumbs at self)…

Oh and yes I know I just posted about Megan Fox a couple bloggy blogs down and fuck you, that’s why.

I swear when I first got AOL over ten years ago I was amazed at all of the porn avail online. And I don’t mean just those trashy looking broads that filled the pages of Juggs or any number of dirty magazines that lay beneath my mattress as a teen.

No the women spreading in digital photos were something I hadn’t seen before… fucking hot. And I don’t mean airbrushed bitches like in Playboy (don’t even get me started) but these girls were natural and, at least in my mind, perfect.

So for a few years I marveled at those naked chicks that I found through search engines and damn near beat my weenie into a mess that I started to fear would never rebound into it’s fairly normal shape.

But with any great thing it becomes only good and I sought out some of the nastier side of the web sex scene. Yep, hot nude chicks no longer got me to the happy place that only a few year earlier would have been made possible simply by thumbing through one of my parent’s National Geographics (Goddamn bush titties rocked!).

So my travels across the internet became a journey of one disgusting fetish after another… women who like to be peed on, men with boobs, “is she really gonna let that dog… OMG!!!” type of porn hit my desktop. Was the internet that Al Gore created turning me into a perverted poon hound with little or no social life and disregard for any moral teachings that were ever preached to me by various people?

Even to this day I worry that I may have become a lesser person because of the filth that I have downloaded. But in reality I have to admit that long before there was home computer, I was interested in all types of sexual things. I won’t get into my youth but let’s just say that my grandmother would die just from the visuals.

Speaking of grandmothers, one of the first sites I ran across was one called Voyeur Web (google that… I’ll wait). My first thoughts about this site was that I had hit the freakin poontang goldmine. Thousands of nekkid amateurs showing off to the world and it was all free. Hot damn, no more subscriptions to stupid magazines for me. Besides, no browser made will put you at risk of a paper cut when you are about to “release the beast”. But you have been warned about the oldness and with the reality of normal women comes with it flab and wrinkles and things Charlie Daniels didn’t even have in mind when he wrote Wooley Swamp.

But one thing you didn’t have to worry about when sticky pages together back in the day was viruses. No I don’t mean VD, I mean those horible little computer gremlins that infest your pc and render it virtually useless depending on severity.

Oh that is no fun and I swear that looking at porn has been the death of almost all of my computers. Aside from a few times that I can blame on hardware failures, the rest just stopped loading things and no attempts to restore them would work, at least no like before.

And while I’m at it, don’t you hate the fact that teens these days do no want for sex in any way. With sexting (sending nudes through your phone) becoming so bad that there are commercials about it and google image (with filter off) holding more sick photos than I ever saw pre 90 it’s no wonder kids today are flat out fucking on dance floors. Dirty Dancing back in the day was something I thought would never improve but to see the dry humping going on at youtube, it’s crazy!

So it’s never hard to find porn and getting it free has always been fairly easy… if you don’t mind viruses, ads that resize windows or even overwrite your settings, and redirects. Yea it’s easy but only if you don’t have a type of smut that you love the best.

These days I still p2p some things, google image others, and there are even a few “boards” that I hit up (when I’m looking for amateur hotness) but for the most part I have decided that I now make decent money and have membership to sites that crank my tractor. Hell, I know what you are thinking.. there isn’t a site out there that hasn’t been ripped but the problem is that I would rather be a member for 2 months @ $30 than have to deal with getting another damn dell or hp. If you’ve ever lost 10 years worth of info because a virus took your shit out then you know what I mean.

Also, a external harddrive doesn’t hurt either. But never trust a flashdrive with your stash. I had ten gigs or so wiped out just because I prematurly pulled the damn key drive out before the light went off. UGH! I now have a nice 500gig external in which I trust to not only hold my shameful pix and videos but also my work… if you can call this work. Hopefully I will not lose that information if the current dell craps out.

I am also trying to get off on the more simple pleasures of nudity that the web offers… Take the following pic of Megan Fox..

is it real, NO, does that matter to me, NO because Megan is far hotter than any chick I ever saw in a mag stolen from my father’s top dresser drawer.. and it’s gonna have to be all I need tonight because I refuse to download another interracial gangbang video. It’s just wrong, damn it.. WRONG! And did I mention that I love me some naked celebs??

Don’t get me wrong, I still love the hard stuff. It’s just I feel “internet pretty” attitude has long since invaded my opinion on what real life hotness is and because there are so many girls willing to do guys who look like me and you, for the right money, it’s hard to go to the mall and see all those girls, who are no way near as cute as the babes who look me in the eyes every night and love me at least until I close my internet explorer.

I really should spellcheck this post but Megan is calling to me… “yes my sweet, I did remember to bring the lotion.

Later

The urban dictionary defines Butterface as someone with a sexy as hell body but her face is ugly. It is for this reason that I say that Lady Gaga doesn’t comply with the ground rules.

Simply put, this she man has the body of a retarded vulture and the body like of of the cast members of Deadliest Catch. There’s even rumor that Gagger may even be transgender (cough Fergie cough).

And speaking of Fergie, you’d be hard pressed to find a better example of a celebrity butterface than this Black Eyed Pees on stage. Her body is slamming while every mirror in her house has attempted suicide at least once.

Another perfect example of butterface… Brooke Hogan. I mean goddamn this woman’s bod scream “oh fuck me” while her face screams “OH… FUCK… ME”. She needs to take that act to the wrestling ring. I’d pay money to see her get punched in the face a few times. I’d also like to see her brother get in a knife fight with a ninja but that’s another story.

My opinion on Lady Gagamofo not withstanding, the following video is a funny as hell lampoon of her song Pokerface.

My body’s like a Barbie and my face is like a Ken

HA! bitch

If you are anything like me, you watch movies to escape either a tragic life or maybe just a rough day. In that case you know how much it burns my ass up to spend 10-20 dollars of my semi-hard earned money at (insert store name) only to find that the money you’ve just spent has been pissed away on some horid excuse for a movie.

Case in point was that wreck of a flick with Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl, Knocked Up. In the commercials I found myself drawn into the humor and of course since the ads were running on tv you really had no idea that once you hit play on the twenty dollar dvd that you’d basically be subjected to “FUck fuckity fuck fuck. Fucky fucky i’m pregnant fucky fuck fuck fuck-a-mazoo”

Much like Life Aquatic, I had to just pull the movie out and just sit there in disgust. I mean not since the jim carrey majestic disaster have I been so upset that a movie didn’t bring what it promised. I mean it’s Jim Fucking Carrey…. I don’t want drama from Jim Carrey. I want him to light his nutsack on fire and make crazy faces in the process.

Speaking of nutsacks on fire, let me rant a little about a movie called Stick It. The commercials had me all ready for two guys that were all excited because they were getting to see a bunch of hot gymnists and virtually every seen either showed sexy or those two rascals but oh no… no no no, when the movie was purchased I found that not only were the two funny guys not a big part of the flick but you didn’t see them at all and sexy… THERE WAS NO SEXY! Well, aside from that Haley girl, played by Missy Peregrym, and she’s hotter than turtle nuts on the highway but still it wasn’t as promised.

And OM freaking G I hate that hairlip douche who played the coach. He doesn’t have but one facial expression and it sucks. Hell if Ben Stiller can pull Blue Steel outta his ass, then Jeff Bridges could do something ARGH! Please stop giving that moron work!

Missy is a babe though…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… how in the hell can this giant butt be sexy to anyone? I think even Sir-Mix-Alot would thow up in his hat if Jennifer Lopez would attempt to back that ass up.

Hell the last time I saw an ass that big it was carry people up a mountain. I could go on and on but instead I’ll just hit “post”, drink a bottle or two of Pepto, then sit in my shower for the rest of the evening.

Phooto credit : Splash News

Oh and since this is neither hot nor nude (thank you jesus) I’ll stash this in the gossip section and hope for the best.

Second you need to lurk in the shadows of the other paparazzi which won’t be hard to do since the nine million other “photographers” will be hounding the hotel heiress mercilessly.

Third… Rrrreach for it… rrrreach for it… CLICK!

Bob’s your uncle you just made 50k and now you can get your guitar out of pawn and as soon as you can get Nigel out of jail you’ll have your drummer.

photo credit Wenn.com

Download this video!

So the story goes that this is Britney Spears giving her ex husband a blowjob and they video taped it. Stranger things have happened and the girl on screen certainly looks like the pop diva but I have my doubts. Still, for the sake of “I saw the video of Britney Spears blowing some cock” I had to watch it. Don’t want to seem lame to my grandchildren… if they ever bring that kind of stuff up, lol. You know, because kids are dirty bastards sometimes.

I figured why the hell not post a pic of Kate Gosselin upskirt because I know how everyone wants to see what’s going on down there after birthing 8 kids. Seems to me we are lucky that she is wearing panties because otherwise we may be face to face with something along the lines of what pulled Jack Sparrow down to the otherside.

Oh and might I say that it looks like someone’s panties are full and in need of changing and it’s not one of the children.. I’m just saying.